Fate Without Destiny
by cakeengland
Summary: "When people find out I'm a twin, they always end up asking me the same thing. 'Neku,' they say, 'what's it like being so close to someone' To be honest, I don't know. We aren't close. Never have been... and now we never will be. Because Josh is dead." AU. Rated T for mentions of suicide.
1. Prologue

_A/N: Dedicated to my friends the primrose path and Prospit._

* * *

 _Yuanfen, "fateful coincidence," is a concept in the Chinese folk religion describing good and bad chances and potential relationships. It can also be translated as "destiny, luck as conditioned by one's past," or "natural affinity among friends." It is comparable to the concept of karma in Buddhism, but yuanfen is interactive rather than individual._

 _The driving forces and causes behind yuánfèn are said to be actions done in previous incarnations. The proverb yǒu yuán wú fèn, "have fate without destiny," is sometimes used to describe couples who meet, but who do not for whatever reason stay together._

* * *

 _Why? What reason did he have to do it?_

Neku Sakuraba sighed, staring down at the mug of brown liquid in his hands as though it could wash away his heartbreak. Neku was well aware of the futility of the attempt, but at least it gave him something to do other than stare at his sketchpad trying to come up with the inspiration to draw something that wasn't dark or depressing. It was easier said than done- his muse was generally a reflection of his feelings. This was no exception.

Another sigh escaped the oranget's lips as he picked up his pencil, figuring he might as well just draw what came to mind. He was unsurprised to find himself sketching curls, sharp eyes, a slender frame and a condescending smirk that always seemed to know something you didn't. The same figure that was haunting his thoughts.

It wasn't the first time he had drawn his twin. However, he noticed he was using darker shading and heavier strokes than usual. It made sense, he reasoned. The reason for his sibling lingering on the forefront of his mind wasn't exactly positive, after all.

About an hour later, his guardian, Sanae Hanekoma, approached him. "Still hung up on Josh?" he questioned.

"He killed himself," Neku stated, as though Hanekoma didn't know that already. The words caused his chest to constrict painfully, a reminder that Joshua was gone and no amount of denial was going to bring him bring. "Why?"

"He was probably tired of having to pretend he was mentally ill when there was nothing wrong with him. The therapy visits in particular had him at his wits' end, even if he didn't show it," Hanekoma replied. "He wanted to see the UG for himself, most likely."

"Pretending- you mean the thing where he could see dead people or whatever was real?" Unconsciously, Neku began to play with the silver locket around his neck. It had been a gift from Joshua- it contained a photo of the twins.

" _Don't lose it, Neku. I'll be very disappointed if you do."_

" _Yeah, sure. Why?"_

" _Because one day, it might be all you have to remember me by."_

" _Whatever you say, Josh. Whatever you say."_

He was pulled from his reverie by his guardian's voice. "Yeah, it's real. He told ya that a thousand times. You should have believed him."

Neku looked at the floor, uncertain of what to say. He wondered if his disbelief had been a factor in his twin's decision. The more he thought about it, the more certain he became. Maybe if he'd trusted Joshua just a little bit more…

"It's only been a week, but it feels like much longer," he opted to respond, trying to take his mind off his sudden guilt.

"That's natural, kid," Hanekoma replied. "Even if it only happened yesterday, it would feel like years."

Neku opted not to reply, staring at the clock on the wall. 7:35am. Normally by this time, he and Joshua would be arguing over something stupid just for the sake of it, like whether caramel or chocolate was better. The silence was something new in a constant routine, and he didn't like it.

"Josh left a letter for you." His head snapped up, staring at his guardian. "However, I figured I'd let you grieve for a little while before giving it to you. Here." Hanekoma placed the letter in front of him. Neku stared at the soft, loopy handwriting of his twin.

 _Dear Neku,_

 _By the time you read this, I'll be gone- from the RG, anyway. I'm not going to apologize, because there is a chance, however slim, that we will see each other again._

 _I will try to visit whenever I can. You won't be able to see me, but I'll be there. Of course, I can only visit when I'm off the clock._

 _I'm sure you're wondering why I killed myself. The answer is simple- the RG has nothing left for me._ ("You idiot," Neku whispered. "What about me?") _In the UG, however, I have the chance to be someone. I can do so much more with my talents. My skills almost seem designed for the UG._

 _The UG is real, Neku. I wouldn't have done what I'm going to do if it wasn't. I'm not that selfish, no matter what you think._

 _Anyway, don't let my death slow you down. Keep doing what you love. I expect new drawings every time I check in, okay? Don't disappoint me. Unlike me, you have a bright future in the RG._

 _Joshua_

By the time Neku finished reading the letter, his hands were shaking- from sorrow or anger, he didn't know. "Josh, you idiot," he repeated quietly. "You had plenty of skills…"

"Well, Josh has always been an enigma," Hanekoma replied. "Who knows what he may have been thinking."

"He was the only family I had," Neku murmured. "Did he even _consider_ that? The UG may have been better for him, but did he think about the impact he would have on others?"

"I couldn't tell you that," the barista responded. "But I think he did. He wrote the letter, didn't he? He cared, at the very least."

"I guess so…" Neku sighed, pulling his locket off from his neck. Carefully, he pried it open. Joshua was giggling, his eyes shining as he pulled Neku closer with his arm. The ash-blond teen looked ecstatic in that moment, preserved by the click of a camera.

" _Because one day, it might be all you have to remember me by…"_

Neku wondered how long his twin had been planning his death. Could Josh have been thinking that far ahead? A shiver ran down his spine and he opted to assume it was just Joshua doing his usual thing- a far more pleasant version of events.

He closed the locket with a soft _click,_ looking up at Hanekoma. "Do you think I could have changed his mind?" It lingered on his mind like a cloud of fog, the possibility that If he'd just done something _differently…_

"Who knows?" his guardian shrugged. "The kid did what he wanted, regardless of others. You may have been able to change his mind, you may not have."

"I guess that's true," Neku sighed, looking out the window. Rain was starting to hit the glass panes, the dark clouds outside a reflection of his mood. "Josh…"

 _I miss you._


	2. Chapter I: So It Begins

_A/N: A little under 2k words with this one... it's still nothing compared to the 3k of Forever and a Day's second chapter, but here, enjoy!  
_

* * *

Opening his eyes, Neku found himself lying on asphalt, with a splitting headache. Raising one hand to his temple, he pushed himself up onto his knees, looking around. Was this… was this the Scramble Crossing?

The memories came flooding back. He'd been at Udagawa, admiring the CAT mural there (he'd found out a few years before that his guardian, Sanae Hanekoma, was CAT by accident, but it hadn't changed his opinion of either of them, in the end). _Bang._ He had never seen who fired the gun- his back had been turned. All he remembered was the gunshot, and the blood splattered everywhere as he fell to the ground. Even though those images were hazy- you couldn't exactly see too well when you were dying.

Now he was in the Reaper's Game. He wasn't sure where the information came from- he just knew. _What about Joshua?_ his mind whispered to him. He ignored it- the memory was still painful to recall, even two years later. It was easier to pretend it had never happened.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed in his pocket. _Oh, that must be the mission mail._ Pulling it out, he checked the text he had received.

" _Reach 104. You have sixty minutes. Fail, and face erasure. -The Reapers"_

"Ten-Four, huh?" he mused aloud. "There's gotta be some catch. That's a five minute walk from here, at the most. Surely they wouldn't let players complete the missions without a partner..." He stood there for a moment, contemplating this. Well, regardless, to fight the Noise, he'd need a partner. If he tried to complete the mission solo, he'd probably just encounter some obstacle preventing him from doing so, wasting precious time- time he didn't have.

Suddenly, he felt something clamping onto his ankle, a shock running up his leg. Swearing under his breath, he stamped down on the ground to dislodge the Noise- a kind of frog- before fleeing towards Hachiko. Now that he had been found by the Noise, it was even more important that he formed a pact.

Arriving at Hachiko, he quickly glanced around for any Players, knowing he had a minute at best before the Noise caught up. He didn't see anyone at first, before noticing a girl with long pink hair running towards him, a black plushie thing tucked under her arm.

"Have you got a pact?" she asked. Neku shook his head. "Great! Want to partner up?"

He looked at her appraisingly. Physically, she didn't seem particularly remarkable. However, she had the demeanour of someone who was determined to win. That, and the fact the Noise would be here any second, helped Neku come to his decision. "Sure, why not."

A beam of blue light engulfed the pair, sending electric shocks through every part of his body. The formation of the pact wasn't exactly uncomfortable, the sensation was just unlike anything he'd ever felt before.

Not a moment too soon- the frog Noise were here. While Noise would no longer attack them now they had a pact, these Noise had been trained on Neku beforehand- they would have to be erased.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a set of pins. Glancing at them, he picked out a red pin with orange flames. He figured its psych had something to do with flames- a nice, easy start. The pin clutched in his hand, he whirled around to face the frogs. There were only four of them- no real threat now he had a partner.

He held the pin out towards the Noise, mentally willing it to burn the frogs, assuming that was its psych. He turned out to be correct, trails of fire curling around the frogs. They froze, mouths open in an eternal croak, the tongues of fire burning them alive (even though Noise weren't technically alive).

The forms of the frogs faded away, and he pocketed the pin. He turned to his new partner. _Why does she never help me?_

"You're pretty good with that pin," the girl told him. He shrugged, dismissive of her compliment. So he could roast some frogs- big deal.

"Anyway, my name's Shiki Misaki. Call me Shiki." She outstretched a hand, but Neku was no longer paying attention, alarmed by something over her shoulder. Had that been…

The girl gave a small shriek of surprise as he pushed past her. He ignored her, desperately searching for a lone figure among the crowd, hoping the flash of ash-blond hadn't been his imagination. He was in the UG, right? He had to be, even if he had no memory directly saying so. It fitted Joshua's description perfectly- " _A parallel version of the RG only dead people can interact with."_ He knew he was dead- his memories were proof enough. So, it was possible that the figure he had seen had been his twin.

He bit back a noise of disappointment when he found no one. He must have imagined it, out of desire to see Joshua again, now he knew for sure that death wasn't absolute.

"What was that about?" his partner huffed indignantly as she walked up behind him. He supposed she was justified, but that didn't make it her business. This he vocalized.

"It's none of your business." He folded his arms, glaring at her so that she'd get the message. Thankfully, she dropped the subject.

"So, I guess we head to Ten-Four now, right?" she commented, fidgeting in clear discomfort. Neku shrugged- as though they had anywhere else to go.

The walk back to the scramble was uneventful, the Noise leaving them well alone now they had forged a pact. In a way, he wished they _would_ attack- just to break the monotony of a simple mission.

The trouble came when they tried to cross to Ten-Four. Stalker had the pleasure of walking straight into an invisible wall, blocking them off.

"Looks like it's a no-go," he stated flatly, before turning his gaze to the crowd. Joshua had mentioned these walls once. He was looking for a guy with a red hoodie…

"But this is the way to Ten-Four! How are we supposed to complete the mission?"

Neku opted to ignore her, having spotted someone matching the description. _I'm going to try and scan him, just in case._ He reached into his pocket, pulling out a black pin with a white skull on it- a Player Pin. He held it out towards the figure, trying to read his thoughts. Nothing but a soft, vacant humming. _Yup. Definitely a Reaper._

"Huh? It's open," Shiki commented, puzzled.

Neku took his eyes off the Reaper to face his partner. Cautiously, he reached out a hand. She was right- no barrier.

He turned around to face the Reaper again, only to find him gone. _Huh? Where'd he go?_

"Oh, by the way, you never introduced yourself," Stalker pointed out, folding her arms. "So, what's your name?"

"...It's Neku. Neku Sakuraba," he told her. There was no point holding the information back, and had just remembered a conversation he had overheard Joshua and Hanekoma having.

" _He didn't trust his partner. That's what got them both erased. Trust is essential if you wanna win. Without it, you have no hope of surviving."_

Moral of the story; he had to trust her, even if he didn't want to. The same went for her, although she probably didn't have the same problems with it. He wondered who Joshua's partner had been- he'd played the Game, right? He had to have had one.

As his thoughts drifted to his twin, he reached for the locket he wore around his neck- only to touch bare skin. His eyes widened, and he was unable to suppress a noise of surprise.

"Hm?" Stalker, who had been starting to walk to Ten-Four, turned back around, tilting her head in curiosity.. "What's wrong, Neku?"

"It's nothing," he replied, shaking his head. _I know I had it with me at the mural. Did I lose it when Mr. Mystery Man shot me? Wait, no, that doesn't make sense._

"Are you sure?" she asked.

He nodded. _Wait… my entry fee. Could that have been it? It definitely means a lot to me… but could it really have been what I hold most dear? I guess it isn't that much of a stretch to believe…_

"Well, let's go," Stalker replied uncertainly. "We still need to complete the mission."

"Right." They walked the rest of the way in silence, Neku still shaken about the loss of the locket. It was only when they arrived that Stalker spoke up.

"We completed the mission, right?"

Glancing down at his palm, he found the answer. There was no foreboding countdown. "Timer's gone."

"Pfft, big deal," a female voice snorted. Neku tensed, glancing around for the owner of the voice. "Only an idiot would get erased on day one."

"Who's there?" he demanded. _Could she be a Reaper?_

"Oh no… a Reaper?" his partner whispered, unknowingly echoing his thoughts.

"Anyway, you two are gonna get erased sooner or later. So c'mon, help a girl out and earn me some points, 'K?" There was a laugh, dripping with malicious intent, before a pack of Noise burst into view.

He whirled around to better fight the Noise (five frogs and a wolf), pulling out a new pin- a quick glance proved it to be the psychokinesis pin. That worked.

With a thought, he sent a signpost flying towards his enemies. The wolf froze, whining as it smacked against its muzzle, one of the frogs getting crushed.

A pair of frogs leapt at him, before getting swept aside and slammed into the wall by a bicycle. At this point, a glowing ball of green light descended upon him. Energy ran through his body, making every attack a potentially lethal one. With that in mind, he fell back on the pyrokinesis pin, a final burst of flame incinerating the remaining frogs and already-injured wolf.

The light dissipated, and Neku relaxed. There was no more Noise, and the mission was complete. For now, they were safe.

"That was a good fight!"

Neku turned around as Stalker spoke, letting his silence speak for him. "I think we make a great team!" she said.

 _Team,_ Neku thought sarcastically. _Right._ "Sure, whatever you say," he replied, turning his body away, trying to force himself to think less critical thoughts. Needless to say, that was easier said than done.

He could already tell this was going to be a very, _very_ long week.


End file.
